Forced move. You followed a young man to an unfamiliar city. Tips for girls

Not every couple can stand the test of separation, especially if they have to part not for a few months, but for a year or more. How to behave in such a situation, tells psychologist Elena Tsedova.

1. Communicate

If you watch your favorite movie every day, after a week you will get tired of it. The same thing happens in communication. Conversations in the style: “I miss you, I love you so much,” will quickly get bored with any person. There must be variety. You can always talk about what united you in the past, tell what you are doing now and what you are going to do later, and finally, raise some global issues, such as politics.

Very well in such a situation, unifying themes help. For example, you can invite your partner to watch a movie and then discuss it. Then there is a feeling that you watched the picture together. Also, use free time for own development! Find a hobby, then you can tell your other half something new about yourself almost every day.

2. Make joint plans

Be sure to build joint, and most importantly, real plans. Discuss what will happen when you start living together: where you will buy an apartment, what renovations you will make, what kind of wedding you will play, what you will name your children, etc. This is important because such discussions keep a person, because he knows what to expect in the future. Everything should be clear and understandable.

3. Dream

This point overlaps with the previous one, but still differs from it. Along with discussions of everyday “charms”, there should also be dreams: “I recently saw a program about the Maldives. How great it would be to go there with you, just you and me.” You can dream together about anything. For example, about how you will be rich and famous. Such dreams may have little to do with reality, but this is not important - the main thing is to maintain a sense of celebration in each other.

4. Argue

Again, I will draw an analogy with the film. You come to the cinema, watch the tape, but nothing happens for an hour. Naturally, it will be absolutely uninteresting for you to watch what is happening on the screen.

When everything happens on the same note in a relationship, it becomes boring. No matter how strange it may sound, love at a distance helps to maintain quarrels and heated arguments, something that gives some kind of emotional shake-up. If a naturally between you such things do not arise, you can cause them artificially. For example, argue about a topic, or if you call every day at the same time, do not answer once. But do not get carried away, everything should be dosed.

5. Be mindful of intimacy

You can tell how great your joint parrot sings, how someone is doing at work, etc. But if your relationship is just a discussion of everyday issues, then at some point you will become just good friends who everyone knows about each other. intimate life- a very important component, so the dialogues should be of a sexual nature too. And then who has enough imagination and courage. Support of this nature is necessary, especially for men. He must understand that he is valued not only as a friend, but also as a sexual partner.

6. Forget about jealousy

Jealousy can kill any relationship, especially if it's a long distance relationship. When you are separated by kilometers, this feeling should not be at all! Those are the rules. Only trust. Don't focus on your partner. This is especially true for women who like to invent something that is not really there. Drive away the feeling of jealousy from yourself, even if you experience it, do not talk about this to your second half. Claims this kind should not be.

7. Don't lie

There is no need to create the illusion that there are no other women or men around you and that you lead the lifestyle of a real righteous man. If a person goes to a party with friends, and tells his other half that he will sleep, it is likely that sooner or later his night walk will become known. The consequences are always the same - loss of confidence. No need to lie and create the appearance that there are no people of the opposite sex around you.

8. Be clear about the timing of the separation

The two must clearly understand when their separation will end. For how long they parted: for a year, for two, for three. In addition, you need to know the date of the next meeting. The specifics are especially important for men, because women know how to build castles in the air and wait for princes from childhood. The stronger sex lives in reality, including it is important for them to experience physical intimacy. If a man / woman does not want to meet, explaining that you have to wait "only six months", most likely, when you actually meet, you will be informed that the relationship is over.

9. Don't be the perfect partner

This point is no longer related to love at a distance, but to the period when the couple finally begins to live together. If we do not see a person for a long time in real life, then we begin to attribute non-existent qualities to it. In a short time, you can make an ideal out of an ordinary partner. When you meet this "deity" in reality, you will understand that you were greatly mistaken. Try to perceive your partner as much as possible as he is, without putting a crown on him. By the way, such fantasies are equally characteristic of both men and women. But there is one feature - the ladies are more ready to put up with the inconsistency of the real and imaginary images in the future than the representatives of the stronger sex.

hello it's back again Lesha Dar.

Now I will try to help the girl with her difficult situation that happened to her, and her question is “ If the guy leaves for another city?»

By the way, if you want find a loved one

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I will answer you personally.

My personal mail: [email protected] (everything is free)

And here is her letter:

This year he received a diploma, sat at home for six months, helped his parents build a house. Now he has gone to Moscow… It is more than 1000 km from me. He motivated his decision at first by the fact that, they say, sooner or later we will get married, this requires money, however, he does not want to work closer. his dad is there, on earnings in Moscow and thus he will not have to rent an apartment, which is now expensive, and he will save all the money for the future.

I was indignant, they say, how is it, this is not a relationship, if at a distance. He said he would pick me up later. In general, I somehow reconciled. She let him go (although he would have left anyway). However, now I understand that I can't do that. I cry every day, I miss you. He hasn't found a job yet, so I can't make any plans for the future.

Besides, now I hear from him, that he wants to earn money first of all allegedly for a car and says to himself that “I’ll work for a year for experience, then in a year after 4 norms it should be”, such a prospect scares me. I can't be like a hachiko 4 years away and see each other once a year. In addition, he does not say anything about the future, the unknown scares me.

Called to come to him. But it’s difficult for me, it’s not even about money, I’m weak, I get sick often, terribly motion sickness in transport, problems with nerves, and a week with him will not replace a year of separation for me. He is not going to come himself.

I hope to find Good work and invite me to live in Moscow, but this is a difficult decision for me. I am in the 2nd year, I will need to switch to part-time, move, my parents obviously will not approve of this, look for a job there. In addition, due to health problems, I am being treated in hometown for a long time doctors have been “leading” me here for several years, and he lives there in a small kopeck piece with his father and his friend, he himself will not pull the apartment. I'll have to live with him and two strange men. All in all, it scares me. I love him very much and I'm ready for anything, I just want to hear your opinion from the outside on what to do.

So let's take a look at this situation.

What can you say about the guy?

A guy has been dating a girl for 3.5 years and does not dare to propose to her, constantly feeds her breakfast, that everything will get better soon and everything will be super, you just need to wait another 4 years until he saves up money to play a normal wedding.

In fact, this is complete nonsense, the guy has long decided that he will not live with this girl, since she is a burden to him and only pulls him down. He thinks so, he needs to develop, start earning money, buy a car for himself, etc., and now he doesn’t need a wife for nothing. The maximum is needed by a girl with whom you can sometimes get laid when the need forces you and that's it.

So, what do we have in the bottom line?

There is a guy who wastes your precious years, while constantly deceiving you (feeding breakfast) and giving you hope for the future. At the same time, he is not going to go to you, but he won’t take you to Moscow either. In fact, he wants to steal your time further, and in the meantime he will have fun in Moscow, most likely with other girls.

What can be said about the girl?

The girl is also not sugar, since she has a bunch of principles and reasons to stay in one place and not go anywhere. In fact, only the guy who will permanently live in her city will be able to create a relationship with her, and who will only play by her rules.

Why is that?

Because the girl here has familiar doctors, a university, her own climate that she endures, there are no long journeys and traffic jams that make her feel sick, etc. In other words, the girl wants to stay in this particular city and under these conditions, everything else does not suit her.

And with this principle, she will continue to live, and will tell all her new boyfriends about it if she breaks up with this. Thus (because of its principles), she will drastically limit both herself and her partner freedom of action and decision.

So what should be done in this situation?

Of course, you can wait for your boy for the first six months, perhaps he will not survive Moscow life, and she will spit it back, and he will crawl back to his home.

But, in any case, if he really wanted to marry you, he would have done it a long time ago I didn't see that in his behavior. Therefore, he will continue to powder your brain.

If he does not return in six months, then you can safely end this crazy relationship and look for a new guy (my distance course will help you), plus before that, you will need to get rid of your principles, which will interfere with you all the time and spoil everything.

So, what conclusion can be drawn from this situation?

If you are dating a guy more than a year, and he doesn't propose to you, then such a relationship can be safely ended, since, most likely, you made a mistake in choosing your boyfriend.

This article is only a small part of what is on my site, it contains a lot of useful and practical information on this and other topics of interest to you. You can immediately successfully use this information in practice with a man without wasting your time.

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By the way, if you want find a loved one or want to change your boyfriend/husband into better side right now then

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If you have a question for me, then write, I I will answer you personally. I have been giving advice to girls for 5 years, the experience is huge. (all confidential). Copy from here to yourself my mail below and write.

My personal mail: [email protected] (everything is free)

What girls say about articles:

“Thank you so much Lesha!!! The advice from your articles is useful, they change their own psychology and attitude towards the world and towards men. Now everything in my life has changed dramatically. Thankful to you!"
Anna, Ukraine

"Lesha, thank you so much you for what you do. You help people find each other, while breaking all the stereotypes of the behavior of girls with guys. After your advice, it becomes easier to communicate with men and live in general. It turns out that everything is simple!)
Katya, Minsk.

At 22, right after graduating from high school, I decided to move to Chicago. I was eager to spread my wings and see where my career path would lead. I did not plan to return to my hometown in Indiana, although many fellow students did so. They returned to their hometowns, started families and had children. I did not see anything wrong with their choice, but this path did not suit me.

After seven years, five jobs, three apartments, and many friends, I finally made the decision to pack up and return to Indiana. My parents have been urging me to move closer to them for years, but I have dismissed the idea without even thinking. This time it was different. I made the decision myself, without consulting friends or family. I think it was one of those "clicks" where you just know. But, looking back, I understand: life gave signals that it was time to move. Now they seem obvious, but at the time I did not notice them. If you are considering leaving the city you live in, look out for the following signs.

The reason you moved is no longer valid

After graduating from high school, I wanted to know what it means to live in another city. It was interesting for me to get out of my usual comfort zone and build new life on one's own. Also, the move was justified in professional terms: in the new city, much more career opportunities awaited me.

At that time, all these reasons were very important to me, but after seven years of living in Chicago, they lost their relevance. All these years I have worked hard and built a career as a copywriter. During this time I learned more about life than in the previous 22 years. I never planned to stay in Chicago for the rest of my life and was free to decide when it was time to move on.

You don't miss the city when you leave

I am one of those people who are always happy to come home after a vacation or a trip. During my life in Chicago, I was not drawn to home. Perhaps I was sad to say goodbye to my parents after a weekend visit, or I just stopped feeling happy in Chicago. In any case, this is an important sign.

Do you feel like you could be happier somewhere else?

Of course, it often seems to us that "it is good where we are not." But that doesn't mean you can't be happier elsewhere. If there are logical reasons to want change, it's worth the risk, even if it takes some time to adapt.

Finally, main factor that convinced me to move is the family. I am an only child. The years that were spent away from their parents will never return. Recent times for me and my happiness it became more important than anything else.

I desperately wanted to escape

The city no longer inspires you

It took me some time to get comfortable in Chicago and get into a comfortable rhythm of life. But after I settled in and the temptation of the lights big city weakened, I began to ask myself: what about in other places? I desperately wanted to break out of my usual routine and this densely populated city. I wanted to experience excitement and inspiration again, and for this I needed a change of scenery.

But it's not just about the novelty of another city. I wanted to look forward to what was ahead of me, to feel that I was ready to live in the chosen city for many years.

You know yourself better than before

At 22, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. Of course, self-knowledge is an endless process, but now I know myself much better. I know that living alone is a luxury that I highly value and would hardly exchange for anything. The opportunity to let the dog run freely through the fields pleases me much more than I could have imagined. Leaving behind Chicago, I make room for other wonderful things that can enrich life.

You can create a home for yourself almost anywhere. The main thing is that you feel comfortable, safe and able to imagine old age in this place. If you realize that your motives have changed, you do not feel peaceful when you return home, or you think that you will become happier in another place, it may be time to part ways in a friendly way and find out what awaits you next.